Day 0

Today was day 0 of my new/old life. It was nothing unusual. I've had days like these every few months since I can remember. Day's when i've said... "today is the day that I make things happen..." and then i've just let it all drop. Well i hope today isn't just another one of those.

What was so special about today... Well nothing! as i said before, it was a normal day. I woke up at 9am, and as it was sunday today I just rolled over and went back to sleep. At 11 MLH woke me up and reminded me that I have responsibilities now (namely my lovely cat Chili who we only adopted a little over a month ago. He's a house cat so needs extra attention...) I told him I'd get up while he went to get the shopping but I went back to sleep again. I love sleep. Sleep is my favourite pass time. It has been for as long as i can remember. I can fall asleep at any time, in any place... it's a skill! It's my way of shutting out the world and hiding from the nagging thoughts that tap away at my conscious mind.

12pm I was awoken rudely this time by MLH's return. I should have been up and dressed and doing something useful by now but I made some excuse about being awake but doing something like checking cinema times ... I lie like this a lot. I'm a compulsive liar. I say whatever will avoid the most confrontation and it drives Andy crazy and I'm very ashamed of it. I open my mouth and words just pop out and then I have to remember those random words as they've just become some sort of truth and I convince myself they happened. I berated myself for lying but decided that I did indeed need to get up and face the world. And, by this time Chilli was sat at the end of the bed looking at me, reminding me that i'd just negated my duty to him by indulging in my own comfort. I really don't want to be that person.

Andy was in his sunday mood... we needed a diversion so we planned a trip to the cinema... another favourite escapist passtime.

It wasn't until we were driving home when I suddenly decided to myself that i was sick of dissapointing myself and those I love... there you go, not exactly earth shattering but I find the more earth shattering conclusions I come to tend to be intense but short lived, it's the sudden things that tend to stick in my mind. Do you find that?

Things that I need to change starting tomorrow:

I need to exercise more... I'm a seasonal gym member but I hate it...
I need to lose 1 stone in weight because it's been creeping on since christmas.
I need to stop lying just to make my life easier... It only makes things more complicated.

Ok that's a start...
I'm hungry already.
I need some more sleep!