My Prozaic Life

I've only just realise today, that my life is going nowhere fast. I've got more that I ever imagined and yet I'm no nearer to any of my goals. I'm married, I live in a nice detatched house with MLH (my lovely husband) and Chili (our cat), we're financially stable but I feel like my life is on hold. I'm fast approaching 30, I'm slightly overweight, I'm living in a constant chemically induced state of mental balance thanks to Antidepressants and I'm not living up to my potential. Things need to change and I'm going to try to log my efforts to turn things around for myself. I'm tired of sitting back and waiting for things to happen to me and it's time I really took a proactive part in my own life.

It's hard working out who you are in today's society, we're constantly bombarded with cultural ideals and measured against standards that aren't realistic and whenever I have time to reflect I feel like I'm just one big let down. I've a long way to go before I think that I can feel comfortable with myself. Maybe I'm trying to reach something unachievable but unless I try to be the best I can then I'll just keep on going round in these circles of dis-satisfaction.

I've been on Anti Depressants for most of my adult life and I'm not sure I could function without them and that scares me. I'm married to a man that I love but who also challenges me. He provokes such intense feelings in me. Feelings of love and nurturing but also feelings of anger and frustration which make me feel so lacking in control. I can't control my weight which really should be a fairly simple task. I'm just in need of a complete overhaul. I really hope I can change.