I've been living my dream. I've spent the last 12 months at the RNCM. Music college was always something that was going to be out of reach for me for so many years but I made it and the change in me in the last 12 months has been vast. My previous singing teacher told me college would be good for me as it would mean singing everyday with a higher standard of singer and he was right. Just the fact that I wake up everyday as a singer whereas when I was working I had to have several hats so to speak. I would wake up and have to go to work and be in office mode, then I'd come home to be a wife and if I had any time left then I'd put my singer hat on but an hour or so a day was nowhere near enough to allow me to progress as a singer vocally or psychologically.
I've been working with an amazing teacher who has 100% faith in me and my voice and my potential. On those inevitable days when I feel the hill I'm climbing is insurmountable and that all the hard work is getting on top of me, he's always there to assure me that my voice (the instrument itself) is well worth the effort. I know I have an unusual voice with a lot of power. I know now that I am a very emotional singer (though I need to learn how to harness this) and I know that I'm worthy of being at college. And, yes it's taken a year to feel this way so I decided I'd stay on for another year and do the full MMus masters course as opposed to the Post Graduate diploma that I was initially doing. After just one term of the diploma it was clear that there was so much to learn and so many things that I wanted to get out of my college time that one year was just not going to be enough and both my teacher and the head of department asked if I'd consider doing the 2 year course so we could continue to work together. I was very relieved to finally make the decision to stay longer as it took pressure off me and allowed me to relax and take advantage of what I could fit in and not to panic about those things I didn't have time for this year.
It has been a great year. In my first term I took part in the Song Cycle competition where I performed Schumann's "Frauenliebe und Leben" a song cycle that I've performed before but 10 years ago. I realised that returning to this wonderful cycle as a married woman (as opposed to a 19 year old student) was a really emotional experience. It made me realise that I needed to learn to channel the emotions I feel in the context of performances. This has lead to me going to see several counsellors who are helping me to explore ways to channel my positive and negative emotions in a performance situation. As I said before, the whole experience this year has been as much emotional as physical. Singing lessons and classes can be a kin to therapy sessions and you learn a lot about your strengths and weaknesses.
Other performance opportunities this year included being part of the first opera of the year, Carmen, as a chorus member. I was given an opportunity I couldn't refuse when I found out they were auditioning for a student lead production of Sondheim's "Into the Woods", which was a show I had on a list of MUST DO shows. It turned out to be an actor Musician show so I got to pick up my Cello again after 12 years or so. It was a wonderful show. I played Cinderella's step mother and Red Ridinghood's granny.
I was given my first full Messiah gig through the college's external engagements which took place in Uppermill. I then took part and reached the final of the Strauss Prize. This was one of my goals for college life and an achievement and experience I was very proud of.
I was then given the cover role of The Baroness in Barber's "Vanessa". I felt very lucky to be one of only a few in my year to be involved in the opera. I played Mrs Grose in a staged opera excerpt of Britten's "Turn of the Screw". This is a role I'd very much like to re-visit in full. I performed the roles of La Natura from Cavalli's "La Calisto" and Bradamante in "Alcina" for the end of year excerpts and to end the year on a high I auditioned and got the role of Florence Pike in this coming winter terms opera, Britten's "Albert Herring".
These were just the main events of the year in college. Other things I've been part of included a tour of Rigoletto/Trovatore with North Star Opera in which I played the role of Azucena which is another amazing role I hope to revisit when I'm older. Right now I'm performing the role of Starenka Burjya (Grandmother) in Janacek's "Jenufa", this is for Huddersfield Youth Opera, a new group that I was a part of last year in their inaugural gala concert and the group approached me this year in regards to playing this role. Despite having made the decision not to take on any more unpaid work I took this opportunity and it's been wonderful to get to know the music of Janacek.
This coming year is going to be exciting. Part of me is ready to move out in to the professional world but I know that another year of weekly lessons with my teacher David will ultimately do me a lot of good. My technique is starting to click in to place. Singing is a more pleasurable experience and seems a lot easier in so many ways now. I have grown as a person and as a musician. I know I have what it takes to do this and I know I have the determination and passion.
Being 32 and on this course with so many younger students hasn't been easy. I've found that I have a different mindset. I have different life priorities being married and having worked for 10 years. I find it difficult in many ways and though I've made some lovely new friends I also feel like I need to concentrate on what matters to me this year. I realised half way through this year that you can approach college in several ways. You can work hard at being the best Student and become very good at being the perfect student or you can concentrate on the things you need to get out of your experience and be selfish with your time which for me has meant having to prioritise what classes and lessons are important to my development at any one time and to remember that the aim of the game is to come out of college as a good professional singer not to be the most popular student. I need to be focused with the ultimate aim of leaving and starting work from summer of 2012 onwards. I know this time will fly by but I'm pretty sure I'll be ready for the new challenge.
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